Relationships - Improving the Ties that Bind

Our whole lives revolve around the way we connect to others and the love and energy we are able or willing to put into our most meaningful relationships. But what is a relationship? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as: a connection, association, or involvement; connection between persons by blood or marriage; an emotional or other connection between people… Soul coach and author Joylina Goodings offers some insight into the fundamentals of ensuring that the ties that bind us do so in support of, rather than to suffocate our soul’s growth.

Soulful RelationshipsOur relationships with ourselves, each other and the world are the source of both our greatest pleasure and our deepest pain. With just a basic understanding of how these connections work you can bring joy, passion and fulfilment to all your relationships, enhancing your human experience in this lifetime.

I believe we are all one being, all part of ‘God’ and the ‘One Over-Soul’. As souls we chose to incarnate and experience life in the material world of form, to experience life in this human body. We start out as two energies becoming one and for the next nine months we let ‘God’ do all the work. After birth we decide we know best. Hence in that all important area of relationships we are now at the mercy of our parents’ experience.
Our parents’ experience becomes our model. Our first relationship is with our primary carer, usually our mother. Everything we learn about relationships is coloured by this primary one. Our role within the family and the inter-family relationships then unconsciously start to dictate our perceived role in the greater family of humanity. Our parents’ relationship becomes the model for our later romantic relationships. What’s more, all these relationships are based on the learning of our parents’, grandparents’ etc. unconscious patterns of behaviour. We unconsciously model the habits of those we grew up with. Consciously we may say they weren’t the greatest role models, but nevertheless we follow the same patterns and adopt their beliefs as our own truths without even being aware…

In many areas of our lives we consciously learn new things, or seek help from specialists to gain new knowledge, strategies and skills. We go to college to gain skills for our future careers, we have teachers to help us develop our skills and talents, we have coaches and mentors for sports and our careers, but where do we learn about relationships? No relationship is easy, they all need attention and the quality of our relationships is in direct accordance to the time and attention we give them whomever they are with.  It is often said that you reap what you sow, that everything you put into life is reflected back and wherever your life is not working it is a reflection of your intention and effort. If you try to do something you are not doing it you are trying. So if you want that ultimate relationship you must be prepared to give it everything you’ve got.
Being clear on what is important to you is the most critical aspect. When you buy a new car, you suddenly see lots of them around, when you are clear about what you want then you must be committed. Why is it important to you?  What it this ultimate relationship going to give you? This will be what gives you the emotional energy to overcome the obstacles in yourself, such as the fear of rejection. Perhaps you always attract a particular kind of person or situation and don’t know why. Being able to identify and release these unconscious patterns will take the.

The principles apply to every kind of relationship and the process has been developed with both men and women in mind. Of’course if you are currently in a relationship and seeking to improve it then going through the process together will bring the optimum results. 

There are a number of steps to attracting or developing that perfect relationship and they work for everyone. They apply to all your relationships even the one with yourself. You can’t change anyone else but you can change yourself, your own behaviour, actions, perception, the way you communicate. That has a knock on effect. But first you have to know what you want and how you will know you have it. You need to have the courage to be honest with yourself, to communicate your deepest thoughts and feelings to yourself and eventually to others effortlessly for the highest good of all concerned and to bring the perfect solution for everyone. So it doesn’t hurt to ask your  ‘Higher Power’ or the angels to help. You can do this alone or with friends, even with you partner and then compare notes. Always ask permission before giving feedback/comments. You will be amazed by what you learn.

1  Choose the relationship you want to work on i.e. partner, sibling, parent, child or yourself (write the name here if it helps)

2  Accept yourself and them as you are. Neither you nor they need fixing.

3  Where are you now within that relationship? Grade it

a Ecstatic, vibrant, passionate, trusting, growing, perfect…. but is there even more?

b Good but room for improvement.

c Stale but get along, companionable, better the devil you know. 

d Thinking of leaving.

e Happy alone thank you. Been there, done that, got the tea-shirt.                  

So where do you rate this relationship?                  

4  What do you want and how will you know you have it?

This is where you think about all the qualities you want in a partner. Be egotistical. Be selfish. If they don’t meet your profile keep looking. Love yourself so much you will not accept second best. Remember you are interviewing people for a long term position. This will give you a starting point to understanding with whom you wish to nurture and cultivate the relationship, with those it is time to part and where real effort and work needs to be put in. !--And the tools and methods to do all of these things successfully and so much more to have relationships that enhance your life can be found by clicking here!-->