Relationships - and how to improve them

Our whole lives revolve around the way we connect and communicate with others and the amount of unconditional love and energy we are willing and able to put into them, whether they be with family, friends, colleagues or that all important `romantic' relationship.  But what is a relationship? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as:



a connection, association, or involvement; connection between persons by blood or marriage; an emotional or other connection between people… .  How often, however, have you been in a relationship that stiffles you rather than helps you grow. 

Our relationships with each other, ourselves and the world around us are our greatest pleasure and our deepest pain.  We can, however, bring joy, passion and fulfilment to all your relationships, with just a little understanding of how our interactions affect those around us thus enhancing our joy of life both now and in the future. 

I believe we and everything in the universe, are all one being, all part of the 'One God’ . As souls we chose to incarnate and experience life in the material world, to experience life in a human body. We start out as two energies becoming one, then for the next nine months we let ‘God’ do the work and he usually does it pretty well.  Out of two comes new life.  After our birth we decide we know best, which means from here on we are being programmed with the experience of our parents and society.  Our parents’ experience and the beliefs of our culture and society become our role model.

love and relationshipsOur very first relationships are usually with our mother and father and other members of the immediate family and our arrival will always affect the established status quo.  Everything we learn about life, behaviour and relationships is influenced by these primary peoples behaviour, beliefs and interactions with others.  Our role within the family and the greater family of humanity is then unconsciously absorbed into our being. Our parents’ relationship becomes the model for our later romantic relationships. What’s more, all these relationships are based on the experiences of our parents’, grandparents’ etc. and unconscious patterns of behaviour are passed from one generation to the next.  If we think about it, we may be aware that they weren’t the greatest role models, but nevertheless we unconsciously hold the same beliefs and follow the same patterns, usually without even being conciously aware of it.

As we grow into adulthood we consciously learn new things and often seek help from specialists in areas we are unfamiliar with.  We seek out coaches and find mentors to develop our full potential.  But where do we learn about that all important area of relationships? We are so familiar with the relationships with have with family and our fole within the family group that we never consciously question it.  As most of us know from experience, no relationship is easy, whether it be with family members of the bully at school.  All relationships need attention.  There needs to be give and take,openness, honesty and above respect.  The quality of our relationships is usually a direct result of the time, energy and attention we give them whomever they are with, family, friend, colleague, boss, as well a romantic.  There is a lot of truth in the old saying "you reap what you sow".  Everything you put into the world is reflected back and whenever your life appers notto be working it is a reflection of your unconscious intention and priorities.  Most profess that "family comes first" that their loved ones are the most important to them, but in relality there often get the least time and attention of anyone.  We have an expectation that they will just "understand", or "make allowances" and that continues until it just becomes too late.  Many people say they are "trying" but if you are trying you also have to be "doing" and "doing" is practice and as we all know "practice makes perfect. So if you want that deep and rewarding twin soul relationship you have to be prepared to give it your all.

Knowing what you want and how you are going to know you have it is a very important aspect to all relationships.  Unfortunately it is rarely considered.  You need to know why is it important to you?  What it this ultimate relationship going to give you? Because when you know these things you will have the emotional energy to overcome such obstacles in yourself as the fear of rejection. Perhaps you always attract a particular kind of person or situation and don’t know why.  Perhaps you notice a pattern in the family.  Being able to identify and release these unconscious patterns makes it possible to change them.  

These principles and been developed with both men and women in mind and apply to every kind of relationship Of’course if you are currently in a relationship and seeking to improve it then going through the process together will bring even more beneficial results. 

There are a number of steps to attracting or developing that perfect relationship and they work for everyone. They apply to all your relationships even the one with yourself.  It is a well known fact that "You can’t change anybody else but you can change yourself", not that does not stop most of us trying to change our loved ones.  Your own behaviour, actions, perception, the way you communicate, that is what is important and that is what attracts or repells others to or away from you. These things have a knock on effect. But first you have to know what you want and how you will know you have it. You need to have the courage to be honest with yourself, to communicate your deepest thoughts and feelings to yourself and to others, openly the honestly for the highest good of all concerned and to bring the perfect solution for everyone.  It doesn’t hurt to ask your  ‘Higher Self’ or the angels to help. You can do this alone or with friends, even with you partner and then compare notes. Always ask permission before giving feedback/comments. You will be amazed by what you learn.

1  Choose the relationship you want to work on i.e. partner, sibling, parent, child or yourself (write the name here if it helps)

2  Accept yourself and them as you are. Neither you nor they need fixing.

3  Where are you now within that relationship? Grade it

a Ecstatic, vibrant, passionate, trusting, growing, perfect…. but is there even more?

b Good but room for improvement.

c Stale but get along, companionable, better the devil you know. 

d Thinking of leaving.

e Happy alone thank you. Been there, done that, got the tea-shirt.                  

So where do you rate this relationship?                  

4  What do you want and how will you know you have it?

This is where you need to think about all the qualities you want in a partner. Be egotistical. Be selfish. If they don’t meet your profile keep looking. Love yourself so much you will not accept second best. Remember you are interviewing people for a long term position. This will give you a starting point to understanding with whom you wish to nurture and cultivate a relationship.  Remember no one has to agree with you, nor you with them, as long as you "respect" each others differences.  Above all remember that the more you love and respect yourself the more others will do so too.